Part of my job as a circuit coach is to stand in the circuit and make sure the members are using the machines correctly so they don't hurt themselves. The other part of that job is talking to them. I stick to safe subjects like tv shows, movies, pets and some times nutrition although this last one usually escalates into which resturants in the neighborhood have the best desserts.
I try my hardest to steer the conversations away from me. I don't like talking about me, unless they ask me about Jack. I love talking about my kitty. He is after all my most precious furbaby. He does a lot of funny things, so I have lots of stories. But I digress.
I was talking to a member the other day and the conversation was going pretty good. Then she says to me in an afterthought fashion, "Oh, I never asked you if you had kids..."[me: blank stare, wide eyes, speechless]..."Do you have kids?...Do you not want kids?" [me: found voice "I have a cat..."]
And just like that in a matter of seconds I made the decision to lie, to not divulge any further information, and not clarify to her that her assumption was incorrect.
Why? Because I just didn't have the energy to go into my story with her. I didn't have it in me to pour my heart out to this random person about how much I want to be a mother. Lying was the safest option at my disposal.
What saved me from dissolving into a puddle of guilt? Knowing that ultimately I can choose who I tell my story to and this person wasn't meant to hear it. So I lied about my desire to have children and I let her assume I didn't want kids.
Does that make me a bad person for lying to protect my self preservation? I don't think so. I don't make it a habit of lying, but I'll make an exception when my fertility becomes the topic in casual conversation with random strangers.
*facepalm* I hate the talking part of my job. I hate talking about me.
Infertility, thou art a heartless b*?&#!
