Feeling Better

Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my last post. However, I'd be lying if I said that comments like this have stopped. Just the other day I got told "Look how cute you are. Looking young and not having a baby." WTFrick? Seriously? Seriously! (Yes, for those of you wondering the word not was emphasized.)

I think these comments just come in waves and this month is high tide. I just smiled and tuned her out while she kept talking.

Now that the Crimson Wave has come and gone I think I'm a little better at handling the icky comments I'm getting from people. I really would have liked to have said something back to her, but you know it just wasn't worth it. I could have said something snarky back to her, but usually that just opens a whole can of crap that ultimately ends up backfiring on me and I really didn't need to deal with that kind of stink.

I'm not sure why I'm baffled at the insensitivity some people have when it comes to not just IF, but other things as well.

Sometimes I really hate customer service. Because the customers/members feel that your life is fair game to judge and comment on. They feel like they can ask anything because its your job to be nice to them.

Did you know that they ask my boss about me and my family building options? On more than one occasion members have asked her if I want kids or when I'm going to have them. My boss is a great Mama Bear. She sticks up for me and tells them basically to mind their own business.

I think the sweetest thing I got told this week by a member was "You should be a mom. You'd be a great one." I had confided in her about my IF and our desire to adopt. It was nice to receive that affirmation even though there are some days that I doubt my maternal instincts, and whether or not they will show up when a baby comes.

We are still waiting to hear from the adoption agency. Things left to do: LiveScan, send copies of required documents to the our social worker, and reference letters to our adoption agency.

Infertility Rage Day

I don't have many of these days. I've learned over the years that most comments, questions, or observations directed at me in regards to my infertility shouldn't be taken to heart.

That is not to say that there aren't some days when its impossible not to feel the dagger of a non-chalaunt, inappropriate statement formed in the guise of a backwards complement.

I know we don't have children. I wake up every morning to that reality. Sometimes as I'm walking to work I'll remember that its been 7 years of wanting kids and not being able to have them. I'm reminded everyday of something I've wanted for so long. I don't need other people reminding me too.

I have found that there are two things I hate talking about: my age and how long I've been married. Know why? Because those are the two topics that lead right into the Dreaded Kids Question.

I've been told many times that I don't look my age. Its not really surprising to me since I've haven't looked my age since I was 18. I do find it hilarious that no one believes me when I say that I'm 33 years old. Some days its complementary, but lately on numerous occasions  I've been told the reason I don't look my age is because I don't have children. Thanks...I think.

The first time this was said to me I kind of brushed it off. But Wednesday, or as I dubbed it Infertility Rage Day, I just couldn't shake it off, because it was said by a member at work who I actually like talking to on a regular basis. I wasn't feeling good that day so I didn't have the energy to defend myself with a snarky response. And worse, it was said amongst other women I'm not really comfortable being that transparent to about my inability to have children.

I came home trying to figure out what 33 looks like. And I'm surprised I don't look my age considering the stress I've been under over the past 7 years trying to have a baby. I would think that would have aged me. Or the trauma of having to endure an ectopic pregnancy resulting in losing my tube and our first baby. Surely that would have aged me. Or having to mourn my dream children with the help of a counselor. I'm surprised that hasn't aged me.

And I did the only thing I knew to do when someone reminds me that I'm infertile. I cried and I cried hard. I yelled and raged at anyone who was listening (poor Jack). And it didn't help that it was the gloomiest day ever.

Sometimes I really hate being in the company of other women, and their ignorance to the realities of IF, especially when I'm on the receiving end of it.

Infertility Rage Day. I don't have those days a lot, but when they do come approach with caution and carbs.

Welcome ICLWers!

Hi, sorry I'm late in posting. Welcome to my blog. If you would like to find out my story you can find it in the ICLW tab on the right.

Here are some random facts about me.

I love carbs - the sweet, sugar filled variety

I'm almost caught up on season 6 of Gr.ey's Ana.tomy (will watch the finale tomorrow). However, in my attempt to catch up on the episodes I didn't watch them in order. (still slightly confused about things).

I'm a Doctor Who fan - season 4 was my favorite because I also love Catherine Tate. ("Look at my face. Am I bothered?")

I don't cope well in gloomy weather - it makes me hungry (craving carbs)

I'm a Cur.ves Circuit Coach - Its the best job ever


Well that is a bit about me. Hopefully I'll get the swing of things this week and post more.