Lately everytime I think of us having children, either through natural means or adoption, I get a little...ambivalent about the whole thing. There are just some days I don't want to have anything to do with babies or adoption. Is this normal?
Now before you start judging me, just hear me out. Its not that I don't want to do the work involved with adoption. I'm thankful they ask for so much because they care where they are placing these children. Its not that I don't want to do adoption, I do. I really feel like it is what God wants us to do. And its not that I regret pursuing adoption, I don't.
I guess its just the fear that the adoption won't work out, so I'm finding it hard to get excited about the whole process. The fear that we won't pick the right agency. The fear that we will be taken advantage of by the wrong agency.
The weird thing is the fear is not enough to stop me from wanting to go forward with adoption. I think all the information or lack thereof scared me.
#Microblog Monday 551: New Words
13 hours ago
5 comments:
I agree, adoption is really scary. There are a lot of things to fear about it and how the system works. Some days, I just don't want to think about it, and I think that's normal. Other days, I try to get as much information as I can (reading books, blogs, and talking with people who know more than I do). I find that having more information really helped with the anxiety of moving into adoption.
I know that at the moment, it feels like everything is immediate and overwhelming, I feel that right now. However, if you can, take time to really think about why you want a child. I do that once a day, and when I am really thinking about it...it makes the ambivalence disappear.
If I can help in any way, just let me know!
I felt that way a lot this past year. The closer I got to the FET the less I wanted to do go through with it. I think that it is easier for us to think that it won't happen than to let ourselves get excited only to be disappointed if things do not work out. Praying for you!!!
I could have written this post almost 3 years ago. The unknown is so scary and I'm the type that I have to be in control and know exactly what's going to happen.
I think that after waiting for 2 years now, I still have those fears.
I'll be praying as you continue to walk through this journey!
Well I'm glad to hear that what I'm experiencing is normal. I wish I could hug you both Jess and Stacy.
Jonelle, I felt the same exact way. I was so ambivalent to the last procedure. Then I didn't want to do it. I had no faith in it working. I actually tried to talk dh out of it twice once we were there, and once in front of the office.
I think its a protection mechanism we get. Its totally normal.
Also, at that time period I was completely ambivalent to foster care, to procedures, to embryo adoption. Don't feel like you have to feel a certain way, you don't! Praying for you.
Post a Comment