Can I just say how much I love the show Glee? Well of course I can, this is my blog :) Anyway, Tuesday's episode was really great, lots of twists, Neil Patrick Harris awesomeness (I've never heard him sing before. Yes I know, I live in a cave), but for me the highlight of the episode was Artie's subplot.
Tina wanted Artie to do a dance number with her. It didn't turn out so good. Encouraging him that he will walk again one day, Tina brings Artie a mountain of paperwork of breakthrough research that she found in regards to spinal cord injuries.
And then there was the best part of the show...Artie's daydream dance sequence set to Men without Hats Safety Dance.
But the real clincher for me was toward the end of the episode when Artie realizes that he may never be able to walk again. And he tells Tina gently, "I have to focus on dreams that I can make come true."
I nearly cried, because that is what I've been trying to do for the past six months, but no one will help me move on. No one will help me redirect my focus. No one will allow me to let go of the dream of having a biological child. Its almost like they are somewhat discouraged that they now have to pray for our adoption. Like we are settling for something else and not "focusing on the miracle".
I know these people are well-intentioned when they tell us that they are "praying for a miracle of a biological child," or that they are "believing in God to bring us a child of our own." But its difficult to feel their support when their focus is so much different than ours.
I can't afford to hold onto that hope, or believe that God will someday allow us to have a child that is half me and half Michael. I can't continue to think about when God will ever open my womb, because He might not choose to do so. I can't keep focusing on what if this month is the month, because honestly, I've been doing that for six years and all it brings is disappointment when I don't see two pink lines.
Instead, I have to focus on dreams that I can make come true.
And because I love Glee and Artie here is his 'Safety Dance'
#Microblog Monday 551: New Words
13 hours ago
15 comments:
I have actually never seen this show and that's really only because I didn't have time to bring another show into the rotation. I'm thinking that I might rent it one day when it comes out on DVD.
people who easily get pregnant or got over the trauma of infertility after they finally had a baby (i see myself as always being bitter) tend to feel like you should never give up. they just don't understand or get it. You'll get your baby some way and someday, no matter how it gets here.
Great insight! We are on the road to adoption, actually just waiting for the call. I wish I had been able to grasp that pregnancy was not really my goal, but a family is what I want by any means. I regret all the suffering we went through, it has taken a huge toll. I wish we could have committed to adoption sooner - Good Luck!
I adore Glee but I am waiting for the DVD before I watch the rest of the season.
If you like NPH's singing, you need to get 'Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog'. It's pretty cool!
ICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/
Love love LOVE Glee ... (I'm such a Gleek) and I love that Artie did the Safety Dance, so that the younger generation (meaning those in HS and just starting college) can know exactly what I'm doing when I do the Safety Dance!
You have such wonderful insight on Artie's story this past week. And I can definitely empathize with those thoughts; as I've been there.
It's SO hard to move on to another dream when you're not sure if you'll ever get to the point of fulfilling the initial dream. It's like how we've always been taught that if you worked hard enough ALL your dreams will come true.
And maybe I'm just bitter about my recent "issues" that are non-IF related, but all I can keep thinking is that statement is a LIE!
So much for providing words of wisdom ... but if this is ANY consolation, I can tell you that when watching Artie's story this week, I did not even ONCE think about how it relates to me and my infertility.
And you probably have gathered by now how I'm usually pretty insightful about such things.
The point being is this: Time and distance heal wounds and allow you to move forward. I never believed it before ... but now I am.
As always, xoxo
Em
I adore Glee too...and I thought the same thing, because even after Children, you still always feel Infertile...you do...and I thought, living in the moment is the best way to live. Here, now, knowing what I can be capable of and still leaving the door open to Surprises (good ones) that may come crashing through.
I wish this for you.
I love your blog!!!!!!
Thanks Em, and maybe I didn't explain it correctly. It wasn't so much relating to my infertility as it was to the dream I have to stop chasing. The odds of my DH and I conceiving on our own are so low and I need to stop chasing that dream and focus on something that I can make happen. That is not to say that adoption doesn't have risks of its own.
You're not bitter, by any means. And I appreciate that you are simply wanting me to understand that time and distance will heal and allow me to move forward. (((HUGS)))
You'll still read my blog, though?
HI, I couldn't email you (cause I don't know how LOL) but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Harry Potter, Bridget Jones, and Pride and Pred too....I do, I do, I do....
I promise I won't tell....but I share all your fun "likes" :)
LOL! Of course! :-)
I also enjoy Glee occasionally (when my husband's not around to make fun of what he sees as cheesy-ness :), and I saw this week's episode. I hadn't thought too much about it, but you're right. Artie speaks wisely. I pray that you'll be able to dream for an adopted child with the same gusto that you were dreaming for a biological child before. What a hard journey it is, though.
You are preaching to the Glee choir here, girl! Love love love it!
It's always nice to have people supporting your dreams, but there comes a time when they cross a line, and it feels like they're projecting their own dreams/issues on you. I'm starting to have a hard time when people tell me they are praying for me. Not because I don't embrace it or welcome it, but more because I feel like I'm disappointing them when their prayers aren't panning out. And it's hard enough dealing with my own disappointment let alone someone else's.
Anyway, I don't know if that made any kind of sense, but I hear what you're saying.
I've been there. With people who refuse to let me give up and move on, they want to give me hope but in doing so they anchar me in the past but they can't see that.
I hope you get your adoption dream fulfilled and I LOVE that clip.
Happy ICLW!!
#40 http://thegalwho.wordpress.com/
I have never seen Glee but I hear good things. Maybe I will rent it when it comes to DVD. I wish nothing but happiness for you and I hope you find some soon.
Happy ICLW!(#64)
That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard....I think I've said things of a similar nature, but not so purely or simply. Thank you so much for sharing that. (((HUGS)))
What a wise post! I think that's partly what Project IF was about ... trying to identify the dreams that ARE possible, the ones that we can MAKE happen, rather than just wishing for them. It's a powerful place to be.
I love Glee, too!
Happy ICLW! (#149)
I've been watching Glee on DVD. I am on disc 3 from season 1. I love it!!!
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