Rules of An Arachniphobic

In the movie, "Zombieland" one of the characters, Columbus has all these rules when dealing with the Zombies. Rules that he lives by to survive the plague. I was inspired by the movie and an incident that happened one morning to create my own set of rules were spiders are concerned.

Rule #1: If there is a bug and or spider in your apartment - Never hesitate, kill bug/spider on site. If you cannot kill it, because you are an arachniphobic and are afraid, get someone who can.

Rule #2: It is the duty of my husband (the non-arachniphobic) to kill it immediately. Please do not stop to brush your teeth. (This rule coincides w/Rule #1).

Rule #3: Keep newspapers handy. You never know when you will have to hand one to your husband or non-arachniphobic so he can kill the spider.

Rule #4: Always wear shoes. (This rule just makes good sense, and in a way the arachniphobic feels enpowered in case they are alone and have to stomp on the bug/spider.)

Rule #5: Evidence of the dead carcass is required to show as proof to the arachniphobic that the subject has been eliminated. This helps to restore confidence and assurance back to the arachniphobic. (Until another spider enters the dwelling).

Rule #6: After said intruder is eliminated, its carcass must be disposed of from kill site (either by flushing it down the toilet, or in the trash and the trash must be taken out of dwelling immediately).

Rule #7: Always scan the ceilings when entering a room especially bathrooms. Spiders like high places. Most Arachniphobics have good eyesight. They can spot a spider from across the room, on the ceiling, in the dark. They are not being paranoid, they are saving lives.

Rule #8: Spiders are fast, if you have bug spray - use it. If not, hairspray will do. (And then follow rules #4-#6).
Rule #9: Do not discriminate because of size, that tiny spider will grow up one day - or in a week. Eliminate immediately (remember rule #1, followed up by #4-#6.

Rule #10: Never joke with an arachniphobic about spiders being near them or on them. If you choose to do this as a practical joke, I caution you, that they will find *your* weakness and use it to *their* advantage.
Rule #11: If you (the non-arachniphobic) see a spider, please kill it. However, do not tell the arachniphobic the size and type of spider you just eliminated, especially two hours before bedtime.

To all you non-arachniphobics - just know that we love you for your good aim, confidence and willingness to put up with us.