Babies: An Education...or lack thereof

I just realized something funny, yet tragic yesterday. In the 6 1/2 years that I've wanted a baby I really don't know anything about them. *facepalm* I know the basics. I know that they are tiny, and need to be fed, burped, changed and loved. I know they wake up every two to three hours to be fed, burped, changed and loved. But I really don't know enough about them to be comfortable and alone with one.

*headdesk* How did I let this happen?

Well, I think part of it happened when I assumed that it wouldn't take 6 years for us to have a baby. I think I wanted to learn blindly like all new parents do by cramming as much info about how to take care of a baby in 40 weeks or less.

The other part I think happened because after a while I didn't feel the need to educate myself about babies. What was the point? I don't have one, and I'm not even remotely close to having one so why occupy my time with information I won't be currently using?

This lack of education I used as an excuse to further distance myself from other women with children. Mostly because over the years, I've been conditioned by my infertility to think that I am different from them. They have children and I don't. They know what to do with a screaming child and I don't. They are mothers, and I am not.

Yesterday I was walking home from work and I jumped on the wrong train of thought...again. I'm not good enough to be a mom, because I don't know anything about babies. Maybe that's why I can't hold on to a pregnancy, or get pregnant again. I was on the verge of tears when suddenly a voice in my head, (that sounded an awful lot like Michael), broke in the conversation and said,

"Well then, you know what to do when you want to learn something about something you EDUCATE YOURSELF. Go buy a book about babies...and adoption while you're there."

A book, duh, such a simple solution to my problem. So my mission this weekend is to find that 700+ page baby book by Dr William Sears, and educate myself about babies and hopefully while I'm there I'll find a book about domestic infant adoption too.

I know a book isn't going tell me everything I need to know about babies, but I'll feel a little bit better knowing what to do with a baby besides knowing that they are tiny, and need to fed, burped, changed and loved.