We have been waiting for a match from our agency for awhile (since Dec 2010). But since we've been trying to have a baby since Sept 2003, it feels like we have been waiting forever.
This past December we had the opportunity to transfer to another adoption agency (C) as the agency that did our homestudy (B) (our adoption agency (A) is out of state) merged with this agency (C) here in CA.
Because the two agencies merged (B&C), we were technically already a client of C, we just needed to make it official. We were encouraged to attend an information meeting and because we were considered a special case (we had already taken the classes that were required for DIA which were hosted by our out of state agency and they complied with our state's requirements; and our homestudy was completed) all that was needed of us was to attend the last of their 4 workshops. This last one was on Making a Profile and the different options of Networking your own adoption.
Our social worker tried to break it to me gently that they already have 43 waiting families and if we wanted to expediate our wait we could hire an attorney or facilitator. I was glad I was on the phone, because even then, I had to school my features and think hard about what I was going to say.
The truth is, I'm not desperate to become a parent. Of course, I
want to be a parent, but I'm not desperate. There is an ache that I have in my chest that I'm not yet a mom, but the ache is dull, not sharp and piercing as it once was when we were 3 years into our IF journey, not having a clue of where we should go, or what options we had available.
But how do you convey this to your adoption social worker, without seeming insensitive and apathetic? Well, you are careful with your words and mindful of your tone. I was honest, and I told her that we are not desperate. We are doing what we feel God wants us to do, in our next steps of building our family, in the time He wants us to do it. Its not in our budget to hire an attorney. We will be fine waiting.
She seemed happy with my response and didn't think I sounded apathetic at all. Good.
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We went to the Making the Profile and Networking workshop on Monday . The profile seems fairly straight forward, and doesn't look too hard to make. There is no set pattern to making it, just that we have a recent picture in the front, and that we be ourselves in telling our story.
The networking part of the workshop got me slightly discouraged. The introvert in me panicked at getting myself out there and basically telling the world (or the internet) that we are adopting. I'm not ashamed of our adoption (far from it!) and I have told EVERYONE that is how we are building our family. But making business cards? Posting ads on Google and Facebook about our interest in adopting seemed a little too...out there for me.
The whole time they were playing this You.Tube video of this Adoption Advisor, I kept wondering, 'where is the line being drawn between networking and desperation?'
But my introverted nature was saved when, at the end of the video, the guy said, "Network through outlets that are comfortable for you."
So I think we well do the hardcopy profile (as required) and make a website, so we can link it to agency C's website. Michael also wants to do a video to post on the website. We just have to figure out what we want to say in the video.
It's not that I don't care at all about this, and its not that I don't want to do the extra work. I know it needs to be done, just don't mistake my lack of enthusiam as apathy. I'm just introverted, and extremely cautious.
