Wordless Wednesday

Look at that pretty face

While most of my Facebook feed is being filled with my friends 'First day of school pics' of their kids. I decided to post of pic of by furkid. He might not be going to school, but he sure is cute :)

Rules of An Arachniphobic

In the movie, "Zombieland" one of the characters, Columbus has all these rules when dealing with the Zombies. Rules that he lives by to survive the plague. I was inspired by the movie and an incident that happened one morning to create my own set of rules were spiders are concerned.

Rule #1: If there is a bug and or spider in your apartment - Never hesitate, kill bug/spider on site. If you cannot kill it, because you are an arachniphobic and are afraid, get someone who can.

Rule #2: It is the duty of my husband (the non-arachniphobic) to kill it immediately. Please do not stop to brush your teeth. (This rule coincides w/Rule #1).

Rule #3: Keep newspapers handy. You never know when you will have to hand one to your husband or non-arachniphobic so he can kill the spider.

Rule #4: Always wear shoes. (This rule just makes good sense, and in a way the arachniphobic feels enpowered in case they are alone and have to stomp on the bug/spider.)

Rule #5: Evidence of the dead carcass is required to show as proof to the arachniphobic that the subject has been eliminated. This helps to restore confidence and assurance back to the arachniphobic. (Until another spider enters the dwelling).

Rule #6: After said intruder is eliminated, its carcass must be disposed of from kill site (either by flushing it down the toilet, or in the trash and the trash must be taken out of dwelling immediately).

Rule #7: Always scan the ceilings when entering a room especially bathrooms. Spiders like high places. Most Arachniphobics have good eyesight. They can spot a spider from across the room, on the ceiling, in the dark. They are not being paranoid, they are saving lives.

Rule #8: Spiders are fast, if you have bug spray - use it. If not, hairspray will do. (And then follow rules #4-#6).
Rule #9: Do not discriminate because of size, that tiny spider will grow up one day - or in a week. Eliminate immediately (remember rule #1, followed up by #4-#6.

Rule #10: Never joke with an arachniphobic about spiders being near them or on them. If you choose to do this as a practical joke, I caution you, that they will find *your* weakness and use it to *their* advantage.
Rule #11: If you (the non-arachniphobic) see a spider, please kill it. However, do not tell the arachniphobic the size and type of spider you just eliminated, especially two hours before bedtime.

To all you non-arachniphobics - just know that we love you for your good aim, confidence and willingness to put up with us.

Welcome ICLW People!

Its been a while since I participated in ICLW week, mostly because for the past couple of months I was travelling.

Some things you should know about me:

1) I am a huge Harry Potter fan (shhh don't tell my mom...seriously if you know her IRL don't tell her). Yes, I've been to the WWoHP, and it was awesome! And yes, I'm one of the crazy passionate fans that woke up at an ungodly hour to get early registration on Pottermore. Now I'm waiting for my Welcome email to start exploring in the beta stages.

Just to clarify, I'm not afraid of dragons. I am afraid of Acromantulas.

2) I love to shop therefore, I am an emotional shopper.

3) Michael and I go to the movies every weekend in the summer from the first Sat in May to the last Sat in July.

4) We go to Disneyland every year on our anniversary and my birthday. Its my happy place.

5) I'm addicted to coffee. To give you an idea the Baristas at my local Starbucks all know me by name.

6) I'm currently unemployed and enjoying my "Woman of Leisure" status.

Please tell me some things about you in the comments :)

Why I Hate Crying

I guess part of me has always hated crying. Its messy, its loud and it always gives me a headache and a stuffy nose afterwards.

But at the same time, it makes me feel better. The tightness in my chest is gone, the tension in my throat subsides and my heart doesn't feel as heavy.

I still hate crying.

When I was little I was a very sensitive child. Anything would make me cry, I was that sensitive. Kids wouldn't be my friend anymore because they didn't wish to be associated with "The Cry Baby". This label also made me a Bully Magnet.

It wasn't until the end of third grade that I was able to rein in the tears. It was also at this time I learned the value of sarcasm and definitely put it to good use.

Kids are still cruel and will find anything to target and make fun of, and when those times came I still wouldn't cry. I'd wait until I got home and in my bedroom to let out the tears. Because my bedroom was a safe place.

Some times it was harder than others to rein in the emotions. Especially when puberty hit, and hormones went crazy, and there I was again - crying at the drop of a hat.

As I got older, I got it in my head that showing emotions was somehow a bad thing (no doubt being raised by someone who was also told this exact same thing).

When I married Michael, everything changed. It was okay to cry and show emotion. I was encouraged that I tell him how I felt, and he didn't make fun of me or call me 'emotional' for doing so.

Michael didn't mind that I'd cry at another BFN, or failed cycle or another pregnancy announcement.

Even now, ten years later, he doesn't have a problem when I start crying because I'm frustrated that we are struggling to have kids while others are not.

So why do I hate crying?

Because I hate how transparent it makes me.

I hate that I still have a reason to cry.

I hate that I'm still hurting because of IF.

I hate that my children weren't meant to be here on this earth with us.

I hate that I'll never be okay with a woman I know getting pregnant.

I hate not knowing if we will ever be parents.

All of this makes me cry and I struggle to not let to show on my face. I still apologize to Michael whenever things that are IF or pregnancy related make my cry. He always tells me the same thing, "Its okay to be sad. We have struggled for a long time", and then he hugs me and lets me cry some more.

Which Character would I never want to meet

I found it interesting that the first character I thought of that I would never want to meet would be Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. Now I haven't read any of the LoTR books, so I only have the movies as my reference.

But really just from the movies I found Gollum to be creepy even when he smiles. I can't even post a picture because he is too creepy to look at.

Another character I wouldn't want to meet would be Professor Snape. Given his vindictive nature and inability to properly teach Potions without making students nervous, I would find it difficult to function competently in his class.  Like Neville, I would be extremely uneasy with Snape hovering over me like an overgrown bat to properly brew a potion.  And to have to be in the dungeons for double the time - torturous!

I think next on that list would be Jane Eyre's Aunt Mrs Reed, Mr Brocklehurst and most, if not all the teachers of Lowood Institution.

Why I don't go to see chick-flicks

My mom wanted to see "The Help" on Thursday and asked me if I would go see it with her. I agreed to go see it. It looked like an enjoyable movie...for a chickflick.

I need to be honest, I'm not a chickflick fan. Mostly because they are too sentimental for me and 95% of the time they make you cry. And I hate crying.

If it were up to me we would have went to see an action film. I love action films - explosions, fist fights, car chases and hardly any need to make their audience cry.

Anyway, back to The Help. I knew going in that there would be obvious controversial themes seeing as the film took place in Jackson, Mississippi in 1963. What I didn't know was that there were far more serious scenes than the funny scenes they showed in the trailer.

Overall, its a great movie - Emma Stone is great as Eugenia "Skeeter" Phelan, a young woman who comes back to her hometown after graduating from Ole Miss, a little more outspoken, and educated than her contempories. And while Stone is great in the scenes that she is in mostly getting lots of laughs for her character's great comebacks, her performance is overshadowed by many of the characters.

Bryce Dallas Howard (Hilly Holbrook) plays her part well as the woman who basically runs the neighborhood and the society ladies of Jackson. You can't help but hate her from the start of the film as she carries herself to be far more superior among not only "The Help" but also her own friends to the point of influencing their decisions on how to "handle" their maids and their homelife.

Viola Davis is excellent as the meek and mild Aibileen Clark. The audience can see that there exists great pain in her past. She bears the weight of her pain in the slight slump in her shoulders and her slow gait. Aibileen holds much of her pain and sadness close to her heart, to the point of silence. Its not until she is given the opportunity to share her point of view of being a maid with Skeeter, that she slowly opens up about her history of being a maid and the stories that come with that life.

Octavia Spencer is great as the sassy Minnie Jackson, a fellow maid and confidant of Aibileen. Early on in the film she becomes a bit of an outcast and deemed unemployable by Hilly Holbrook for doing something ultimately deplorable (I won't spoil the fun, you have to see it to appreciate it). She is the second maid that comes to share with Skeeter her stories (good and bad) of being a maid. Minnie finally gets a job working for Celia Foote - a sweet young married woman who is labled a social outcast by none other than Hilly Holbrook.

Jessica Chastain plays country raised Celia Foote (my favorite character) with such naive sweetness you want to hug her and cheer for her as she tries so hard to fit in with the other society ladies in Jackson. Her downfall (or her greatest strength, however you may see it) is her inability to act superior to her maid, Minnie. Minnie is the one who tries to educate her in the employer/employee way of life in Jackson. However, to Celia, there is no distinction between them, and really in the end Celia needs a friend and finds that friendship in Minnie as she teaches her how to cook.

One of the scenes that made me cry sob was the scene in which Celia has locked herself in the bathroom and practically yells that Minnie she can go home. We learned early on when Celia and Minnie meet that Celia is newly pregnant.

I don't know why my brain went here, but it did. As soon as we hear the ruckus coming from the bathroom, and Celia's panicked pleas for Minnie to go home, I knew what was happening behind that bathroom door. I knew that Celia was miscarrying the baby...and I was right.

I cried hard for the next five to ten minutes, I had to put my fist in my mouth to keep me from making any sounds.

And I hated my mom for a split second for making me go see this movie. How dare she and this film make me relive something that I hate sharing or expressing. How dare this film make me cry.

That scene made the character of Celia Foote all the more tragic in my eyes. She voices her inadequacy of being a wife to Minnie, "What good am I here, if I can't give Johnny any children."

My heart broke when she said this, because how many of us, who struggle with IF have not said those exact words? "What good am I if I can't give my husband children?" I know I have.

I am blessed to be married to a great man like Michael, who reminds me every day that he married me and not my uterus.

Still, I hate crying - which is why I will be staying away from chick-flicks, at least for the next year.

Day 10: Fictionalize the boring part of your day and retell it.

Since being laid off I have a lot of time on my hands. Time that I can do fun stuff, like write and time to do not so much fun stuff, like clean my house.

Today was the clean the house day. A not so fun thing to do, but in all points extremely necessary. So I vacuumed the carpet, dusted the furniture, cleaned the bathroom, and the most dreaded job - washing the dishes last.

The pile was obscenly high and I regretted leaving this job to the last minute. There would be time to berate myself later, right now there were dishes to wash.

I ran the water until it changed to the desired temperature of past warm, but not quite scorching hot. I soaped up my dishrag and set to washing. I realize that I use a large amount of dishwashing liquid, but I like to make sure that the dishes I wash are clean.

It seemed to take forever for me to breach the large pile, but soon enough I could start to see the bottom of the sink. But just when I thought I had washed, rinsed and set the last dish on the drying rack, ten more dirty dishes would be sitting in the sink waiting to be washed.

What?

Day 9: What do you think about white lies?

Well I'm sure from my yesterday's post I'm expected to maybe appreciate white lies. Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't like white lies.

They start off as small bits of misinformation that are often mistaken for being harmless and insignificant. But it usually doesn't stop with one lie. Soon more and more lies must be told to accommodate the consistency of the original lie.

And then the little white lie becomes so big, you've forgotten what started it in the first place.

Every time I hear the term 'white lie' I'm reminded of this book that was read to me in the third grade, Jimmy and the White Lie.

Its about a boy called Jimmy who breaks a neighbor's window playing baseball. He tells a little 'white lie' about his involvement in the incident. As the story progresses the reader sees that Jimmy is having to tell more lies to cover up the one white lie he told. The more lies he tells the bigger the 'white lie' gets. Once he confesses to his parents about the lie, and confronts the neighbor about breaking her window, he is forgiven for lying and the white lie goes away.

Its a great little book that not only talks about the dangers of lying, but the greatness of forgiveness when you choose to tell the truth.

Day 8: Do you always tell the truth?

Well that is a loaded question, don't you think?

Seeing as my degree is in Creative Writing, Michael frequently likes to tease me, claiming that I am a professional liar. Cheeky, yes, but he knows that I will never lie to him and that I will always tell him the truth. He also knows that I only use this power for good and not evil.

Overall I am a very truthful person. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it truthfully. However, my answer will depend on the question being asked and who is asking it.

If a question steps over the line into my personal territory, and you are not considered a safe person; expect an answer that is not altogether truthful. In simple terms, I will not volunteer information that I feel needs to be protected.

So no, I don't always tell the truth. But is it lying if I don't volunteer information? Is it lying if I'm protecting myself from more invasive questions and judgement?

"I'm not lying. I'm thinking creatively in order to execute a specific purpose."
-Me

 So do you always tell the truth?

Has My Secret Been Found Out

My arms feel stiff
As she hands me her newborn son to hold.
He's a small bundle, Precious at first sight.
A perfect combination of his parents.
He senses the awkwardness,
and fusses in my arms.
I try to calm him and myself,
but its not working.
He knows I'm uncomfortable.

Its a good thing I'm sitting
I don't think my shaky legs
could support me.
Whose idea was it
To place this innocent child
In my desperate arms?
Was it the longing look on my face,
Or the defeated slump in my shoulders?
Has my secret been found out?

Its not his fault.
He's just trying to sleep.
He doesn't know the journey I've walked,
Or the struggles I've endured,
To have a baby of my own.
He doesn't know the tears I've shed,
As month after month
My arms remain empty.
He just knows I'm uncomfortable.

She takes him away,
And thinks she's done a good thing
By allowing me to hold him.
She doesn't see the damage
This simple gesture inflicted on my fragile heart.
Its not her fault
I should have said,"No thanks"
or "Maybe next time"
But I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Day 6: Film adaptation vs book

I am a very visual person and my first love is movies. As I got older, I noticed most of the movies I would watch were based off of novels or short stories.  My interest was piqued, and I would seek out to read the novel or short story the film was based on. It didn't matter when I chose to read said novel or short story, I was just interested in 'seeing' what the original author saw when he/she created his/her work of art.

I remember being slightly disappointed watching a movie that was based off of a book, because the director or screenwriter changed things that went against the original characterization established in the books.

And sometimes the reverse is also true, where the movie the novel or short story that its based on is actually better than the book *coughForrestGumpcough* (The overall premise of the book was used, but changed drastically to accomidate Hollywood and tell a better story. In my opinion, the film won out over the book, and to me that is the only time that has happened.)

Talking to some book purists, anytime Hollywood makes a film based on a favorite book something always falls short. And I think that is to be expected...film and books are two totally different mediums.

The Director has to take into consideration, besides telling a story, maintain the pacing of the story, keep characterization of characters consistant with the book (sometimes this doesn't always happen), decide whether the film needs an action sequence, more drama in a scene to gain the audience's sympathy, creating conflict to get a better resolution between characters, sacrifice certain subplots, and provide closure (or not, depending on if its meant to have a sequel).

The Author has to do all this too, but I think they have a bit more freedom as its their imagination out on the page telling the story. They still have to apply their skills to the task - tell an effective story, with the right pacing within a proper story arc. Create interesting characters that we care about, or despise (if they are the antagonist). Provide a back story for said characters, hopefully not in an "info-dump" style.

So which do I prefer, film adaption vs book? Overall I think it depends on how the film is made and how true to the original book it represents. But sometimes I like the fact that I can open a book an used my imagination instead of having it painted for me on a TV screen

Day 5: What is the best first sentence you can think of off the top of your head?

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." - Pride and Prejudice

Honestly this was the best first sentence that came to my mind...

I know what your thinking, and I agree.

I need to read more.

Day 4: Which Character would you most wish to meet?

I think it would depend on what conversation I wanted to have or what situation I was in.

The first character I actually thought of when I read the prompt was, Elizabeth Bennett. Seems like a cliched answer, but its the best I've got considering the limited amount of reading that I've done.

To me, Elizabeth Bennett shows great strength and independence. She is not afraid of speaking her mind no matter who she is speaking with (Lady Catherine de Bourg comes it mind.) And of course let's not dis-count the verbal sparring she has with Mr Darcy.

I asked my husband this question and his immediate response was, Gandalf the Wizard. Typical guy response, though I have to say it was a good one.

Now, if I was still in school and needed a good influence to keep me on the straight and narrow so I could finish school in a timely manner and with good marks, I would love to have been able to meet Hermione Granger. Though, her usefulness would start to wear off if she kept tutting at me for being easily distracted by the Weasley Twins...

She Came to Him Crying

She came to him crying,
Carrying the pieces
Of their shattered dreams in her hands.
She knows she should let them go,
Its remnants constantly digging in her hands,
As she holds tightly to what is left.
She doesn’t want to say goodbye,
But she knows she needs to.

He looks into her pleading eyes,
And gently takes her in his arms.
He doesn’t know what to say,
To take the pain away from her, from them.
So he says, “I love you.”
He doesn’t know what to do,
To make the tears go away.
So he presses kisses to each tear.

She melts into his arms,
As his embrace dissolves the grief surrounding her.
“I love you too,” she says.
Allowing his words and affection to
Wash over the open wounds she cannot reach.
Soon she is no longer crying,
But encompassing every part of him,
As he penetrates through the sorrow
Turning it to joy.

Day 3: Have you ever wished you could enter a book?

Well considering how much I gushed over JK Rowling as my favorite author and the world she created, its understandable that I would pick her world.

As much as I would love the thought of going to Kings Cross and be at Platform 9 3/4. Riding the Hogwarts Express into Hogsmeade to go to Hogwarts. As appealing as it sounds to go shopping at Diagon Alley and have lunch at The Leaky Cauldron...I am also drawn to another book, CS Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Yes, I am attracted to the fantasy genre of books. I like escaping into a world that isn't mine.

I first read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe in 2005 while living in Oxford and waiting for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince to be published.

While most individuals read the Narnia books as kids, I was rediscovering a new love of reading and didn't get the opportunity to read the Narnia books until I was an adult.

I wished I had read them as a kid, because I could imagine wanting to enter that series of books. Mostly because I love the sibling dynamic of the Pevensies. Older brother Peter trying to take care of his brothers and sisters, Susan trying to keep the peace between them all, Edmund hating being in his brother's shadow, and little Lucy just wanting to be heard. 

I would have liked to have been the 5th Pevensie and been with them on their adventures through Narnia. I would have loved to have met Aslan and walked and talked with him. However, I do know Aslan, but I know him by a different name.

Day 2: Favourite Author

This one is an obvious one for me. My choice may not make sense since I didn't list one of her books as my favourite. But I have to say, J.K. Rowling is my favourite author.

People have criticized that the first two books in the Harry Potter series don't showcase her best work. In a way I have to agree with them. They are quick and enjoyable reads, but Philosopher's Stone has some inconsistencies and Chamber of Secrets can kind of drag in some parts. However, in my opinion, by the time you get to Book 3 (Prisoner of Azkaban), you can clearly see the richness of her writing from the characters and their back stories to this overall sub society (Wizarding World) that she has created.

I think what I love best about Rowling is that she created this whole other world down to the littlest details much like in the fashion of C.S Lewis with Narnia and JRR Tolkin with Lord of the Rings.

The great thing about her 'world' is that you can get lost in it and totally get immersed into that world, so much so that words like 'Muggle' and 'Patronus' become part of your everyday language (or maybe that is just me.)

Rowling has such a vivid imagination I can't help but be jealous of how detailed it is and how well she transferred what she saw onto the page for others to see and enjoy.

Aside from this fantasitcal world she has created, the characters in her series, regardless if they are good or evil, are flawed. Even our hero, Harry Potter, who can be arrogant and a bit of a martyr sometimes, is wonderfully flawed. But he eventually learns from his mistakes, sometimes the hard way and at the expense of others.

I also love that the overall importance of love and friendship is the message throughout the books. What separates Harry from Lord Voldemort are his [Harry's] choices and his capacity to love, and understand its importance in his life. I like what Stephen King says about Harry Potter:

"Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."

— Stephen King

Edit to add: I started reading the Harry Potter series when I was a year into TTC.  When everything with trying to have a baby became too much; I could escape the ickyness of my reality and lose myself in Harry Potter's world. It was by far the best written distraction I had until the series was complete in 2007. I mourned the end of my distraction, but you know, the great thing about a completed series of books is that they are still there to read from the beginning again. In my opinion, the series never gets old.

Day 1 Favorite Book

I signed up for NaBloPoMo this month to help me to focus on my writing. This month the theme is fiction, and today the topic is My Favorite Book.

I remember when I had finally chosen a major after three years taking classes at a community college. I knew I loved writing, so the guy at the Transfer Center recommended Creative Writing as a major. However, did you know that if you wish to be an effective writer, you must also be an avid reader.

This revelation hit me hard, because I wasn't a fan of reading, yet my major was English with an emphasis in Creative Writing (ironic, yes?). In high school, I got by on my extensive collection of Cliffs' Notes, instead of reading the novels assigned for book reports. There would be the odd book chosen that had not been adapted by Uncle Cliff and I had to do the book report the old fashion way - I had to read it.

But then in college I had finally chose a major - English, the professors had assigned tons of books in their assignments. The first hectic yet rememberable semester, I took two English classes one was called "Readings of the Novel" and the other was "English Lit 402". That was the semester I was introduced to Jane Austen and Helen Fielding, and I never looked back.

I had first been assigned to read Pride and Prejudice for my English Lit 402 class, and I instantly fell in love with Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy. I was amazed at how Ms Austen could create such a memorable, clever, and funny comedy of manners and at the same time show the different interpretions of love.  Even though I love this book it is not my favorite.

In this same class I had to choose a novel by a modern English author to finish off the semester. Okay. I was talked into reading Bridget Jones' Diary, by a classmate of mine who was also taking the same two English classes as me.

I instantly fell in love with this book. I know it isn't To Kill a Mockingbird or The Great Gatsby or some other masterful work of fiction. But it made me laugh during a time when I myself was struggling with love and the idiots I was somehow attracting.

Bridget Jones' Diary is a modern adaptation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. If I hadn't been assigned Pride and Prejudice I most likely would not have been able to appreciate Bridget Jones' Diary. I laughed out loud reading this book, people thought I was crazy. Its filled with such great British humour you can't help by cheer for Bridget as she bumbles her way from the loverat Daniel Cleaver (Wickham) to snobby yet reserved Mark Darcy (Mr Darcy).

I think at the time I had read BJD I was able to appreciate the book more because I was single, like her. Being showered with attention from the wrong person, like her. Neurotic about not finding the right person, like her. Also, I think that was the first time I really became a fan of reading.

I wasn't read to as a child, so the appreciation of books wasn't something that was instilled in me. My mom was a single mother and worked 40+ hours a week. Part of her job was reading manuals all day so by the time she got home she didn't want to read.

I did learn to appreciate books as an adult, so now having to choose my favorite is a hard one. But my choice is the one that helped me become a fan of reading.