"Isn't Christmas so much better with kids?"
This quote wasn't so much directed at us, as it was a large group of people with us in it...at a church function, and said by someone who knows our story.
I know the person who said this didn't really mean to hurt my feelings, but they did.
I know I'm probably being overly sensitive, but honestly, it stung to hear these words. I had to ask Michael if I had heard the statement correctly and he confirmed that what I had heard was in fact correct.
I'm finding that in times like these, where certain holidays revolve around children or having children - I cling to Michael more. I crave his company and attention because its incidences like this that it feels like its us vs. The World.
Its incidences like this where I'm reminded how safe I am with him and only him, which explains why I get apprehensive when it comes to family get-togethers and church functions. Its also at these events where my introverted nature gets increasingly magnified, and I'm mistaken for being rude and standoffish.
Luckily I'm married to a fellow introvert who will sit in the corner with me, people watching and making me laugh. We have silly conversations about stupid things like "What is mistletoeing?" and "Why scary ghost stories during Christmas, wouldn't that be during Halloween?" Because no one else would appreciate the banter going back and forth about defining "mistletoeing (It's either going after someone with mistletoe, being pursued by someone with mistletoe or dragging someone while holding mistletoe [I really can't remember which definition we decided on as I was laughing so hard I was crying].
Its these stupid silly moments together that make me love him even more. Because I know he does this on purpose to cheer me up, and I like to think I cheer him up in return by indulging the conversation.
Last night as we were lying in bed, Michael told me something that was said at a meeting he attended that evening. Someone had insinuated that to be a Pastor, they had to have kids, because kids are good and attractive to other young couple with kids. WHAT? Later that night at the same meeting, Michael was asked in passing (from someone else) if he would ever consider Pastoring a church (once a year Michael will guest speak at our church). Michael said, "No, we don't have kids", no one really heard him except one person.
I hugged Michael, and told him I was sorry he had to hear that. "Its you and me vs. the world," I said. "Its times like these I wish we had our own island."
.
He took me in his arms and said, "We have own own island, right here."
I know I can't expect everyone to be that sensitive around us, but I would appreciate it if they would just think before they speak. Is that asking too much? It hurts even more when these words are said by people who know are struggle. I know this won't be the last time something insensitive is said in front of us, or inadvertently directed toward us. It just solidifies my thought process - Us vs. The World, Us vs. A Fertile World.
ETA: Final definition of mistletoeing - Michael: Dragging someone with mistletoe using a rocket powered engine (missile towing).
