Something Surprising happened...in January

I always seem to apologize every time I start to post to this blog. It has been far too long and for that, I'm sorry.

Things are going good over here. Just when we feel we have figured out and perfected a new stage in Miss A's life, a new stage emerges. This time...the limit-testing, boundary pushing, "No" saying, 2.5 year old stage, and she is really good at being 2.5.

She is extremely verbal, so of course everything I tell her, she likes to say it back to me. At least she hears me, but does she listen...sometimes. Overall, she is a great kid, and excellent in public. She just likes to save the tantrums for us in the privacy of our home. I can handle that if the trade off is a well behaved 2.5 year old at a restaurant.

We have had great progress with the "Time Timer" app on my phone to motivate her to put her toys away. I think the having a visual time countdown helps. She loves it.

She also loves going to park and sliding on the slide and swinging on the swings. She is an outdoor girl, which at this point I need to learn to like since I'm not very outdoorsy. There are many great things about her, and not enough room to write them all here. One such accomplishment of hers that I am very proud of is that she is potty-trained. WOOT!!!

Here she is enjoying some Mac n' Cheese

 

The last time I posted, I talked about how I overheard a woman discuss with her friend how much she resented her sister-in-law only wanting one child. She flippantly talked about how wrong it was for a child to not have a sibling, and that she would never do that to her child. I say 'flippant' because this young naïve girl assumed she would be fertile enough to have multiple children.

I also discussed how much Michael and I were one and done; the contentment we felt having one child was enough; how much a pregnancy was welcomed, but unlikely.

Well...in January I was late. Not so much a surprise, given our history of anovulatory cycles, polycystic ovaries, and one tube. I knew I should test, but I kept putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off.

I finally took the stupid test and wouldn't you know, it says, "PREGNANT". I started crying and called Michael immediately. We had never had a HPT that was positive. I stupidly asked him what I do now. He told me to call the doctor.

We had an appointment the following week. In the meantime I called and requested for an order to check HCG levels. It was 53244. The first ultrasound dated the baby at 6 weeks 5 days, EDD September 12, 2015.

So far every ultrasound and blood test I have had has come out normal. We are expecting a boy.

Here he is at 19 weeks.

 

I'm still living one day, one week at a time. I know that there are things that I need to plan ahead for, so I have made a wish list of things we need for him. A part of me is still very cautiously optimistic. We have a name picked out, but are NOT telling anyone. For now we just refer to him as Star-lord or The Boy.

 

I have no idea how to prepare a toddler for a new sibling, so any advice is appreciated. I have some books in mind to read to her. She likes to kiss my tummy.

 

The Boy does love to kick, often really late at night and really early in the morning. He will stop kicking the moment Michael puts his hand on my tummy. He already is a tease.

 

To say that this is all so surreal is an understatement. I went from being angry (yes, I was angry), to ambivalent, to finally excited. Even at 26 weeks, I still can't believe this is happening. I feel so grateful for this experience and opportunity to add to our family.

 

We reach the 3rd trimester in 2 weeks. I can't believe this is almost over.





"I take issue with only children"

I didn't say this.

Why would I? I, myself, am an only child. My child will likely be an only child as well.

I was in the bathroom stall at a restaurant in San Diego this weekend, when I overheard two ladies talking. One of them was talking about her sister-in-law who told her that she is not having anymore children.

The young lady seemed perturbed at the thought of someone intentionally making their child an only child.

"I just take issue with only children. They should have a sibling."

She just going on about only children, bringing up every myth in the book. How we are all spoiled, weird, and lonely.

I came out of that bathroom stall with my Tenth Doctor shirt on, Comic-Con lanyard around my neck, and a smile. I said to her, "We aren't all bad, us only children." And went on to wash my hands. I can't believe I said something to her. A stranger. I was having a bold day, earlier I had asked Alan Tudyk a question at his panel for NERD HQ.

She seemed taken aback and said, "Oh, are you an only child? I'm sorry."

I told her that it was okay, that I wasn't sorry that I was an only. I continued to tell her that, after 9 years of infertility, 2 1/2 years of waiting for an adoption match, that my daughter will most likely be an only too. I also made sure to tell her that I was content having an only. I get to have her all my love and attention. I also told her that most people don't intend to be "one and done".

I learned that her annoyance with her sister-in-law's decision was mostly because SIL didn't have help with the pregnancy or after. SIL felt old (she is now 40), and didn't see the need to try again. Fair enough, it's her decision, not this young woman's. She may not have seen outward complications with her SIL's pregnancy, but that doesn't mean SIL didn't experience PPDA.

I was surprised at this young woman's naïve attitude as she approached pregnancy, like it's a right, a guarantee if you have one, you must have another.  Because she saw no complications in her SIL's pregnancy, she called her lazy for not wanting to experience it again.

However, it was okay for me, with my history of infertility, to be okay with being "one and done". How does that make sense?

It didn't matter what I said, she still seemed to resent her SIL for not wanting more kids all because she assumed it was her nephew's right to have a sibling. Because she herself wants a big family someday.

I hope this SIL doesn't feel pressured to have another child, just to appease her husband or his family. I hope her husband is content with one, if that is her wish to have an only child.

I know I struggle with the whole "one and done". For like a split second.

I often think what if I miraculously got pregnant? How awesome would that be to be able to give Miss A a sibling. But it oftentimes doesn't work out that way.

I can safely say that Michael and I are one and done. We are open to a pregnancy (should it happen, though considering the odds against us, it doesn't look good), but we are not holding our breath to make it happen. We are not open to another adoption either, as the first time was draining enough.

I guess I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I got a "get out of having a second child" free card by this stranger, while she is casting judgment on her SIL. People amaze me.

I know there are people wishing for us to have more children, but considering I'm on the wrong side of 35 I don't see it happening anytime soon. Would I like to prove myself wrong? You bet, but I can't hope for that kind of miracle. Other people can for us, I can't. I like where my focus is right now, which is on my growing daughter. I don't want to lose sight of what I have with her, of what adoption has taught me, and brought into my life.

Maybe this sounds weird, but I don't want her to have to share me with someone else. Does that sound unreasonable? Probably. If I had the luxury of planning out my kids like other people do, this wouldn't be an issue at all.

So all this to say, watch what you talk about in the Ladies room next time you are there with a friend.