...and the Hits Just Keep on Coming

Tuesday toward the end of my 4 hour shift my boss took me outside to talk to me about the schedule. We talked and essentially we didn't end up talking about the schedule. Instead, she told me she would "have to let me go" a.k.a. laid off. Okay.


I took the news fairly well, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised, or sad. The odd thing was I was overcome by this overall feeling of relief. I hadn't been happy at my job for a while. I love the people I work with and the person I work for, but lately the members have been a bit picky about the stupidest things and after a while one tends to break under the constant unnecessary criticism.

I was one of those people that cracked during a most unfortunate week. It only happened once and I apologized for my behaviour, but the damage had been done.

This past Friday, on my day off, I heard some news that had brought me to tears. Basically this news had made me question things I shouldn’t be questioning. Things like, “What is wrong with us?” “Why hasn’t a birthmother chosen us?” “Why them? They just put their book in. We’ve had ours in since August.”

I was a bit out of sorts that day. Luckily I didn’t have to work; otherwise I would have been a basketcase. I really felt that I needed to text my boss about my days since I knew she was having a hard time with payroll. So I texted my boss telling her that I understood she was stressed about payroll and I volunteered to drop my days from three to one.

The following Tuesday I was laid off complete with a check for my last day.

*sigh*

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t at all surprised by this. In fact I was shocked. Laid off, let go, isn’t that the same thing as being fired? Michael says no, fired means it was a performance issue, but in a way it was a performance issue, wasn’t it?

I’m trying not to think of the reason why I was chosen to be the one to be laid off. Thinking about finding the reason why just makes my head hurt.

I think the real kicker is that I didn’t get to leave on my own terms. In the past, all the other jobs I’ve had I was able to leave on my own terms. I’ve never been laid off before.

It sounds pathetic, but I feel cheated out of a proper goodbye with my co-workers. I would have liked to have had the chance to tell them how much I enjoyed working with them. Now when I see them it just feels weird…like it was my fault I got sacked.

I’m thankful that my boss and I departed on good terms. It would have been awful if it had been an angry parting.

Once the dust settled, I realized that this job was the longest one I had ever had. I was a circuit coach at Cu.rv.es for 5 years. I loved my time there and the friends that I made, but it was probably time for me to leave.

I never thought she would actually let me go. I was cheeky enough to believe that my job was secure because I was in charge of so much stuff and I was good at it. If she needed a letter written, I wrote it. If she needed to find something on the computer, I found it. I knew everything about our software that most of my co-workers did not. But I guess she doesn’t need me anymore.

Another thing that is bothering me is that I’m not sure what to do now. I don’t feel like I have a ton of options. Sure, I’m college educated, but my degree is in Creative Writing. I can probably work in an office, but I don’t want to do that. I can’t even imagine having to look for another job right now. I doubt there are many jobs out there that don’t involve working with the public.

Michael told me I didn't need to look for a job right away, which I'm thankful. He does feel that I should get a job just because he feels staying home isn't good for me. He might be right.

Right now I'm enjoying my time at home. I just wish I had left my job to care for a baby.