I'm trying to enjoy the upcoming Christmas season...but really I can care less. I've partically decorated our apartment, which means I've put a red tablecloth on the kitchen table and replaced the everyday placemates and seat cushions to the Christmas ones.
I feel like I'm suppose to be joyful and really...I'm not feeling the joy.
I feel like I should be over the grief from the failed adoption, but I'm not. I know my pain isn't unique. I know that there are people out there in the ALI community that have gone through much worse. And really, I think we were quite fortunate that the adoption fell through a week before the baby was born, so it shouldn't feel so horrible, but I do.
I just hate that we have to go through the grieving process again. Its so exhausting, and its so much harder during Christmas. I'd like to be over this by January, but I don't think I can put a timeline on grief. Can I?
Church is becoming a hard place to go to lately. Nearly everyone knows what happened, which is making me feel a bit exposed.
There's a new baby at our church. The interim pastor was holding her on Sunday and my heart hitched as I looked at him hold her while talking to her parents. I looked away, and as I did, I met the eyes of a woman who knows what happened to us. I felt ashamed that I got caught looking at the baby.
To help me survive December, I'm looking forward to January - we are getting a new kitten. Hopefully, Jack will be up for having a new sibling.
#Microblog Monday 599: Daily Rung
1 day ago
8 comments:
I'm so sorry. This is my first time on your blog, so I can only go by the "our journey" in the sidebar...but it seems like it's been such a long, hard road. My heart hurts for you.
We had a different kind of failed adoption (we were taking steps to adopt an 8-year-old boy), and it's so heartbreaking. I'm sorry.
you grieve as long as you want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I hope that your new kitten brings you joy.
You've been through a lot of heartbreak and loss. You shouldn't feel ashamed or wrong for grieving. Take your time and take care of yourself. Thinking of you...
You' ve got the right to grieve. And it's good for you to express those emotions. You can't put a timeline on it, but it's good that you have something to look forward to this December. (((HUGS)))
Its a really hard road you follow with all the boulders someone has put in your path but with luck you'll find a way around these obstacle and will have a baby soon. Kittens are great. Husband is allergic and I'm allergic to dogs thus we have no fur babies to console us. Holidays are hard that I do understand since I'm coping with a miscarriage from last month. Okay holidays just suck! Sending happy thoughts your way and wishing I could give you a much needed hug.
thinking of you during this difficult time. grieving takes time, and can be made more difficult with the holidays, new babies at church, etc. I think if I were in your position, I would be grieving just as you are. There is no need to feel that you "should be over this by now".
Hey girl, I'm a follower from SS. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Absolutely there's no timeline on grief. We lost twins to preterm labor in January. By now most days are great, but every once in a while I just have a down day and it's like I'm right back where I was right after we lost the boys! Grief isn't linear, it doesn't make sense, and it's completely okay. It's okay to be sad and to have a hard time. I hope you can find comfort and hope in Christ this season and always. 2 Corinthians 1, Hebrews 6:19
I'm so sorry. I'm having a really hard time at church lately too. It's so hard around the holidays, especially with the baby Jesus and all. (That was a joke... kind of.)
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