Michael: So do you think 'BLSSDX4' means that they have 4 kids?
Me: Yes I think so, would it mean anything else, otherwise?
I knew Michael was being facetious when he asked me this question. The sentence dripped with so much sarcasm I could hardly answer him back without laughing. It was blatantly obvious that the vehicle in question, a ginormous red Suburban complete with the family STICKers on the left hand side of the rear window, intended to
The laughter soon faded as the cynical part of my brain took over.
Damn Fertilists, why do they get to define what being 'blessed' means?
Once again a 'blessing' or 'blessed with' is equated with being on the receiving end of having children. And once the child(ren) come, they are equated with being 'miracles'.
Don't get me wrong. I truly understand the sentiment. Children really are miracles when you think about the fact that a typical couple, with no fertility issues, only has a 25% chance of conceiving each month. And once that couple has conceived there is a 10% to 20% chance of losing that baby through miscarriage in the first 20 weeks of gestation. So I get that babies are 'miracles' and parents are 'blessed' when they get them.
I just hate that these two words are used all the time in relation to babies, fertility and parenthood.
What about the rest of us, who have not been chosen to be 'blessed' with a 'miracle'?
I know for me, I feel left out, ignored and forgotten by God. I know that is not true, but I feel it on days when others people's fertility is being shoved in my face. God is not even the one doing the labling of what a blessing or a miracle is, its people.
Why hasn't God chosen to bless us with a miracle? Well, He has, but not with a baby or a pregnancy, and not in a way other people may view as a blessing or a miracle.
God has blessed me with a great husband, one who loves me, communicates with me, respects me and is sarcastic with me. A man who takes me to the movies every weekend in the Summer. A man who takes me to Disneyland every year on our anniversary and my birthday.*
The greatest miracle God has blessed us with is a great marriage, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
*I understand that there are a lot of Mes in that paragraph, but this is my blog. I can put as many Mes as I want to :)
9 comments:
I struggle with this on a regular basis, feeling somehow I like I am a lesser person because I have not been "blessed with my miracle".
I do the same thing as you, I look what I have been blessed with and that makes me feel better.
oh wow, I'm sorry I often say I was blessed with my pregnancy and the boys. Looking at it from where you wrote, I can see how it would hurt to hear that. So I'm sorry, I'll think of another way to talk about them.
When I was where you are, I too used to feel like God didn't love me or was ignoring me. I Felt sooo left out and so out of touch with the world. I felt that pain and I felt it again reading your post.
it goes without saying that I hope that your journey to your BLESSED comes quickly, but know that you are blessed just like your wrote. In the midst of everything you do have so many miracles in your life and you will have Children too.
I totally agree with you! God has blessed me beyond measure and I don't have children either!
I'm praying that God will multiply your blessings soon with a child!
Well, maybe the couple has adopted 4 times! I know a couple who was blessed with 5 children, all by the miracle of adoption. We were blessed once.
When you think about it adoption is as much a miracle as birth itself.
Hang in there...
Yeah - I often feel like fertiles always inadvertently find a way to make me feel like a second class citizen. But I do thank my lucky stars every day for the marriage I have. I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade what I have with my husband for any number of kids...but why can't we have both?
Put as many me's in there as you want! Way to find the blessings in what you do have, and as for being cynical, totally fine. It's hard not to be. HUGS
uggh, I totally feel the same way. Actually, what makes me angrier is people suggesting my husband and I do not=family. It is as if getting married means nothing..that my life with him is meaningless because we are not able to conceive.
I don't think people mean to hurt..but alot of times the words really do.
I just think--in general--the term blessed is used incorrectly. And I really shun the use of blessed for having children--adopted OR conceived biologically--because it implies someone who cannot (people tend to forget there are some reasons people simply CANNOT adopt, it is not just a choice for everyone) must be the opposite--cursed. I choose to use the term 'lucky'--when I describe my marriage, my husband, my job, my other successes in life. Because I don't think God singled me out in particular (ie why do I have a great husband when some of my wonderful friends remain single not by choice??) for any of it--I think it was a combination of luck and hard work (in some instances) and oh yeah, luck.
Eesh. I really hate those blatant "advertisement" of success. But who knows? Maybe this family also went through IF treatments; tried IVF or IUI and ended up with four?
Anyway ... Hubby & I both made the comment the other day about those bumper stickers that say "I have an Honor Student at Generic Middle School" or some crap like that.
Both Hubby & I looked at each other and said, "I have two cats and a dog that will scratch and tear your honor student's eyes out."
Bitter? No ... not us! LOL!
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